Move over, Madonna. Haven't you heard? Adpoting Malawiin babies is SO one nanosecond ago. Not to be outdone by the Material Mom, our trendsetting agent has shown fashionable women all over the world that Guatemala is the new Southeast Africa. Battling third world beaurocracy and treacherous lightning at 30,000 feet, our plucky agent perservered through an arduous, year-long process in order to become the proud mother of a beautiful and charming 14-month-old girl. Dear readers I'd like to introduce Carmen, aka Baby Fabulous. Carmen is the happiest baby I've ever seen. Like her Manolo-sporting mother, a legendary New York Party Girl who makes Candace Bushnell look like Ugly Betty, Carmen is uber-social and has quickly become a fixture on the glittering nightlife scene. A girl after her gay uncle and faux father's heart, Carmen has mastered the art of kiki-ing and has been spotted so engaged at a variety of New York hot spots since her arrival earlier this year. For example, there was the night of my birthday, where Carmen was getting down with the gays at Vlada and even did a little Dancing Queen number on top of the bar. When she got a little tired and her mother pulled out the Bugaboo so Carmen could recharge with a little disco nap, the staff at Vlada kindly reminded us that children were not technically allowed on premises. So that went down in the history books as the night Carmen got her and her mother kicked out of a gay bar. Carmen has also attended every major museum opening of the season and has dined at some of New York's toniest restaurants. Carmen is the queen of kiki at Bette and always gets the coveted corner by the window at Gramercy Tavern. It's no wonder when I say she's the happiest baby I've ever seen. Wouldn't you be? One day you're living in the third world, hoping for survival, the next day you wake up on the 33rd floor of a luxury high-rise building in Manhattan, with a twinkling view of mid-town, and your mother is dressing you for a night of fabulosity. I mean what's not to love about that? Please, I'm hoping the agent will adopt me next.
