Budget Fabulous

Hanging out with LL Cool J

We're so busy with taxes this weekend that we have no time to post. While we roll around naked with our accountant on a pile of tax papers, receipts from fabulous restaurants glued to our flesh, enjoy LL Cool J's new hit video Control Myself, from the upcoming album Todd Smith (dropping April 11). It's fabulous. And isn't LL just the hottest thing? I wish I was J. Lo in the video as she slides her hands down his amazingly chiseled... Sorry, I forgot this was a family blog. We'll be hanging out with LL next Tuesday, and you can too, at the album release and signing at the Virgin Megastore. Come out and meet LL, buy the album, and see why he makes me feel like a Virgin Mega-Ho. It's hard to control myself.

B-Fab's First Hockey Game

He's been a New York Rangers fan since he could walk. He loves hockey. It's his thing. On a recent Thursday night, he decided to share his passion with his sports-retarded (but fabulously attractive) gay boyfriend. He has lived to regret that decision.

ME: Wow! There are so many people here! I didn't know that many people came to these things. The Rangers must be pretty popular, huh? Now tell me every single thing about the game, so that when it starts I'll be all caught up. Why is it so COLD in here? I know there's ice and all, but would it really melt if it were just a few degrees warmer? Will I look gay if I keep my coat on? I'm STARVING. How long do these things usually last? You know, there should be more low-carb options at the snack bar. Mm, this beer actually tastes good. I mean, usually I hate beer, but this one is pretty good. Why don't they serve some nice California wines too? Does everyone like beer except me? It's so fattening. Oh god, WHY is it so COLD in here? Aren't you cold? Oh look, it's starting! Are they going to do the National Anthem? It always make me cry, you know. Oh look it's Uncle Junior from the Sopranos! HE'S going to sing the National Anthem?! Omigod, that's FABULOUS! I didn't know they got real celebrities to do that. Omigod, does that mean there are celebrities here? Should I go around my with my camera and look for famous people? Okay, it's starting. Now. Tell me what's happening. Which ones are the Rangers? Why are people shouting? Did something happen? I can't SEE anything? I can't see what they're even hitting at. You know, the...thingy...

HIM: Puck.

ME: Right! The puck. I can't see the puck. Where is it? You know, maybe it should come in colors or have twinking lights so you can see it. Actually, isn't that a great idea? It could be like a disco-puck. Do you think they have a suggestion box? Or an email address? Actually, I should just invent one myself and get rich, right? Why give away a good idea like that? Don't you think it's a good idea, honey? Why are you making that face? Now see look, I don't understand, the score changed. Did the Rangers just score a basket?

HIM: Goal.

ME: Goal, right, whatever. Did they shoot the puck into the other team's basket?

HIM: Net.

ME: Net. Did they? I didn't see anything! God, why is everyone here so unattractive? I mean, it's hard to believe we're in Manhattan, isn't it? I mean, helllooo, did we make a wrong turn at Fugly City? These girls have such big butts. I can't believe it. And the guys are so NOT hot. I thought you said hockey games are hot. These guys all look like they have restraining orders or something. And everyone is so hyper! Omigod, look at the big TV screen! Who is Henrik Lundqvist? He's fucking hot. Now I see why you think hockey is so great. It's the players. He's hot. Now what is his job on the team? Oh, I see, never mind, it says "Goalie". Why does everyone think he's so great? They're all shouting about him. It looks to me like he doesn't have a lot to do. He just stands there the whole time, and when the thingy gets too close to his basket, he just kind of blocks the basket and...

HIM: It's a NET.

ME: Right, sorry, net. Anyway, it seems to me he is underutilized. While he's waiting for the puck-thingy, he could be sweeping up or something. Does he make less money than the rest of the players since he doesn't have to skate around and all? Like after the game, they must be all be so exhausted from all that skating, but he probably can go out dancing! He's probably at Cain while the rest of the team is lying in their bunks. So he should make less money, don't you think? Why are you rolling your eyes? God, I am REALLY cold. I'm surprised it's so cold up here. You know, heat rises and all. What do you think would happen if all of a sudden it got really hot in here? Do you think they would keep going with game? I mean, the show must go on, right? Would they take off their skates and just bat the puck around in a couple of inches of water? Did you ever think about that? Wow! Did you see that? That guy hit the puck so hard it bounced on the ice. I guess the puck is kind of spongey, right? Oh look, cotton candy! Isn't that retro? Fabulous. Look, that woman is going to buy some. Umm, honey, do you really think you should? Maybe a lowfat yogurt would be a better option, okaaaay? Okay, so it's halftime, how long between this and the next act?

HIM: Period.

ME: Period! Right. Why are those guys dressed like pucks? Isn't that funny? Don't the cheerleaders come out at some point? I'm starving, should I go get something to eat? I'm SOOOO hungry. But how long till it's over? Are we going out to eat after this? I don't want to ruin my dinner. How many carbs do think are in one of those big pretzels? I better not, a pretzel would inflate in my stomach with all that beer and then I won't want to eat dinner. Look, there's the Zamboni thing! Wow, it really does clean off the ice doesn't it? I always thought it was more for show than anything. What? I'm from Florida, what do you expect? But seriously, look at how smooth the ice is after the Zamboni thingy goes over it. Isn't that great? Sometimes I wish I had a "Life Zamboni", so that when life gets a little bumpy, I could just ride my Zamboni and smooth everything all out. That would be a good blog entry wouldn't it? The Life Zamboni. Okay it's starting again. Omigod! Did you notice, the Rangers switched sides with the other team! That's SO confusing. I've been rooting for the wrong team! Why do you suppose they switched sides? You know, consistency would be the best option here. You wouldn't want to confuse your fans, would you? Omigod, why are people shouting? What happened? Did they make another point? I missed it!

HIM: So did I [sigh].

ME: Oh sorry, I guess I've been talking too much. Am I distracting you? My fault. Okay, I'll be quiet from now on. ... So anyway, why do you think they... What's the matter?

CLICK HERE TO SEE PICTURES OF MY FIRST RANGERS GAME >>

Small Hot Dishes

In the limitless gastronomic universe of New York City restaurants, 2005 was most definitely the year of the “small plate”. Usually defined as “small hot dishes meant for sharing” the small plate paradigm, when done properly, offers savvy diners a greater range of flavors and textures while providing a fun, intimate dining experience. And if you don’t go too crazy, it can be Budget Fabulous as well; after all small plates cost less than large plates.

After a recent visit to the fabulous new Agatha Ruiz de la Prada store in Soho, Patty and I met up with our friends Isabelle and Julian for an evening of cocktails and small plates at EN Japanese Brasserie. Isabelle and Julian, you’ll recall, are a happy heterosexual couple in Greenwich Village, known for sharing more than just small hot dishes. Isabelle and Julian are swingers. Chandelier-swaying, key-swapping, orgy-going swingers. As Donna Summer might have sung it, “Love to Love You Baby Baby. And You. And You. And You. And YOU!”

“We’ve just returned from Poona, India,” Julian said as we dived head-on into cocktails. “We were at the OSHO® resort. This is the ashram just south of Mumbai that was started by Bhagwan Rajneesh.” For those of you not old enough to remember the 80’s, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh was the infamous spiritual leader of a vast cult of pink-clad devotees. Before being run out of town, convicted of tax evasion and ultimately dying in 1990, Bhagwan developed a style of meditation that involves jumping around and making loud noises in the nude. He preached to thousands the spiritual benefits of free love. His was a religion founded on the guiding principle that sex with multiple partners was one very pleasurable way to achieve nirvana. I asked Julian if he and Isabelle were Bhagwan acolytes.

“Absolutely not, we think it’s rubbish. However, we were in the company of like-minded individuals, kindred spirits as it were. We...”

“We were just there for the sex!” interrupted Isabelle, not in an inside-voice, much to the delight of fellow cocktailers. “It was fabulous! We'd get up in the morning, put on these burgundy-colored robes, drink tea, meditate, go to workshops, then hang out the rest of the afternoon and hook up. I've never gotten laid more in my entire life! You two really should go.”

“I don’t look good in burgundy,” said Patty.

“Neither do I,” Isabelle replied, “but it really didn’t matter. My robe was off most of the time!”

CLICK HERE FOR SOME SWINGING PIX. And no, I'm not doing what it looks like I'm doing.

EN Japanese Brasserie
435 Hudson St - Between Leroy & Morton St
New York, 10014
212-647-9196

Budget Fabulous Tip: Go with the $60 tasting menu. It’s more than enough food and it’s interesting and delicious. You can’t go wrong. Also, try the sake in flights of 3 for $24. You’ll get shitfaced for half the price of a bottle of wine in any New York restaurant.

Agatha Ruiz de la Prada
135 Wooster St
New York

At the forefront of the post-Franco cultural and social revolution in Spain, Agatha Ruiz de la Prada now offers New Yorkers her amazingly affordabe line of Spanish fashions, home furnishings and more. Not to be missed!

She's Baaaack.

Here's a Budget Fabulous Tip for all you Cheap Dates out there. There is a little restaurant on Jones Street in the West Village called Inside that serves up some of the most creative and inspired greenmarket-driven cuisine in New York, for a third of what it should cost to dine there. Co-owners/chefs Charlene Badman and Anne Rosenzweig (formerly of the Lobster Club), use only the freshest seasonal ingredients to create layers of flavor in dishes too sophisticated to be called "comfort food" and too unpretentious to be called "sophisticated." Combine that with a welcoming and unbelievably attitude-free environment (you kinda feel like your coming to someone's house for dinner), and you have a night out that leaves your taste buds and your financial adviser happy.

Inside feels so warm and neighborhood-y, and their regulars are treated like royalty. Case in point: regular customer Ruth, who lives part of her life in New York and part in Oregon, returned to the city recently and was honored with a celebration featuring her cocktail of choice, the Sidecar. And the reason why this is being bloggered about, is that Anne and Charlene decided to celebrate Ruth's return with a "She's Baaaack...$5 Sidecars-All-Night" special. Naturally, when we heard the magic words "$5" and "Sidecars" used in the same sentence, we squealed like stuck pigs and called the gang together to help welcome Ruth back to the Village in total Budget Fabulous style. Oh, and yeah, it also happened to be my birthday, but we're not going to talk about that right now.

Boldface names that came to celebrate Ruth and get drunk on Sidecars: Cosmetics Queen Dana Portnoy (sorry, no picture), Canoodling Power Couple Colleen and Simon, World-Renowned Park Avenue (South) Socialite Patty, the Toast of Two Continents Fiona, Brazilian Sexpot Paula, her Illustrator-Extraordinaire wife Lisa, Photographically Phierce Brian, Supermodel Kathleen, her Sexy Italian (from Italy) husband Nicola, and saving the best for last, my honey-bunny Dapper Dan. Oh yeah, and our new best friend Bill, random hot guy for the evening.

I won't tell you where we went to dinner after, because it was definitely Budget UN-Fabulous. Terrific food, paltry portions, BIG pricetag.

Be sure to look at all the pictures from the evening.
 

Pizza Party

As the season draws to an end, while everyone's busy being all foo-foo-poo-poo, closing up shop out in the Hamptons, we've been keeping ourselves out of trouble by exploring Budget Fabulous Cheap Dates here in the city. (Have you ever noticed how New Yorkers refer to "the city" as if everyone in the rest of the country should automatically know that means New York?) Budget Fabulous Cheap Dates, by definition, are affordable nights out on the town that meet our demanding Fabulosity requirements despite their cost effectiveness. Think of it as minimal investment, maximum gain. A high Fabulosity ROI.

This past Saturday night was the perfect opportunity for a Budget Fabulous Cheap Date, as we celebrated Kent Gibson's 1st Annual 35th birthday party at Otto. Not that I'm saying Kent is a cheap date, after all we were entertained lavishly at his wedding a few weeks ago. You remember Kent, he was the blushing bride in Gay Wedding, Part One. Well, he and his husband Ralph, fresh from their honeymoon looking all rested and in L-U-V invited Dan and me up to their apartment in Hell's Kitchen for champagne (pronounced shom-PON-yay) and hors d'oeuvres prior to heading back downtown in a limo to Otto (pronounced oh-TOE, not Auto). Somehow the limo thing didn't quite work out, so we took a cab, which, honey, felt like the bus in comparison to the Ultra Budget Fabulousness of a limo on someone else's nickel. In fact, it was the thought of a white stretch Escalade with black windows, blinking hubcap lights and a bottle of Cristal on ice (I know, I know, can you say GHETTO? Can you say Britney and Kevin?) that got me to climb out of my coffin and trek uptown on a Saturday night at 7PM in the first place. Oh yeah, and the promise of seeing our DEAR friends Kent and Ralph of course.

Annnyyyhooo, got to Kent and Ralph's fabulous pre-war crib and enjoyed wine and cheese along with witty banter with the newlyweds and their other guests for the evening, luv-AHS Todd and Howard. After a hot menage-a-six scene, Kent opened his gifts (honey check out the Longines watch from Ralph) while we kiki-ed and ooo-ed and ahh-ed appropriately. We played for awhile with kitty-man Slate, then we got the hell out.

I'm skipping right to the TOTAL CHA-CHING FOR THE EVENING: at Otto, Mario Batali's enoteca and pizzeria, we ate like little squealing bee-ahtch pigs and got drunk on good Italian white for $60 per person. I know those of you who don't live in New York will argue that 60 clams doesn't sound very Budget, but ask any Manhattanite accustomed to the average $100 per person dining experience, and they will tell you that it most definitely is. Especially for Mario. By the way, don't be fooled by the fact that this is a "pizzeria". Mario is definitely serving up more than your average slice here. We're talking fresh, seasonal ingredients, creatively and sensitively prepared, beautifully plated and exquisitely delicious. Though I am loathe to overuse this overused term: this is gourmet pizza. There I said it. Ew. If you need additional proof (and even more reasons for me to deduct my camera from my taxes), here's what we got for the price:

2 Pepperoni pizzas
1 Taleggio and Funghi pizza 
1 Quattro Stagione pizza
1 Arugula and Prosciutto pizza
2 orders of Calamari with Potato
1 order of Octopus with Fennel
a big Heirloom Caprese salad
an order of artisenal salami
2 bottles of Italian white
Gelato and various desserts for 6 people
espressos, coffee or dessert wine

Still think $60 isn't Budget Fabulous?

Parted ways with the gang, then Dan and I walked back to his place which is right around the corner from the potentially doomed CBGB. Now, god forbid I ever come across as politically or socially relevant (or anything more than just contemptuously shallow for that matter) in this blog, but I will throw in my 2 cents about CBGB. Whatever you might say about Hilly Kristal's non-rent paying ways, CBGB is an institution that, time and time again, was at the forefront of the most seminal moments in rock music history. To see it disappear from the once shabby, now unbearably chic Bowery would be a crime. The end of an era where underground music reigned supreme, and the avant garde, the misfits and the all-out weirdos had their place to be all of the above while rocking out without judgment. This would be sad. Please everybody, buy CBGB merchandise or do what you can to help save the club from death or Las Vegas. After all it doesn't get any more Budget Fabulous than CBGB.

Check out the rest of the pix from Kent's Big Night.

Sayonara, Todd

I had no intention of covering last night's outing for Budget Fabulous, but I had my camera with me, and it doesn't take much to convince me to blog. After all, I am aiming for shameless Party Ubiquity which requires a certain degree of overexposure. Besides, the view was definitely Fabulous, and the price of the cocktails was totally Budget ($6 wines by the glass), so...

Met a bunch of friends at the Rooftop Bar of the Hotel Metro to say Sayonara to Super Graphic Designer Todd Lynch. Todd is about to embark upon his own Excellent Adventure in life, love and career: he's moving to Japan! This is so he can fully immerse himself in Japan's rich design culture AND be with his sweetie, Kiyoko. Todd, we're going to miss you. Stay in touch. Write. But not too often, please.

Spotted sipping Budget Fabulous $6 cocktails were: the uber-fabulous Bootsy, the wascally wabbitt James, the H-O-T Mamacita Denise, Young Darren J, and of course, Ms. Party Ubiquity Herself, Patty Yang (next to Tinsley, that is). Oh and this random hot guy that Patty liked.

But to get back to the Budget Fabulosity, hurry and get your carcass to the 14th floor rooftop bar at the Hotel Metro before the weather turns cold. Cheap drinks, great view, chill vibe. What could be more Budget Fabulous? Just don't wait until someone moves to Japan to do it.

Hotel Metro Rooftop Bar
45 West 35th Street, 14th Floor

TOTAL CHA-CHING FOR THE EVENING: 2 glasses of wine at $8 (including $2 tip) a piece=$16. A third glass of wine, $0, courtesy of Eddie. Thanks, Eddie. I was too tired and lazy to take the subway, so cab fare home, $20.

VIew all the Sayonara Todd Pix.

Summer Friday

Took a Summer Friday and spent the day running around the city in the humidity, doing errands like a little bitch. Though I usually spend my nearly non-existent free time sweeping chimneys and dining on bitter tears and lumps of coal, today I decided to squeeze some Budget Fabulosity in with the drudgery. Please don't tell me you're surprised. By now you shouldn't be. Fabulosity was encoded prior to birth (I hear my placenta was made of fois gras), so it takes very little persuasion for me to dump a day of chores in favor of the clinking of stemware and the tangy taste of citrus/soy vinaigrette.

Met my brother Brian for lunch at Asia de Cuba. Brian is a successful network television sound engineer AND a super-fantastic photographer. Though neither a freebie opening nor a green-room reception, I decided this lunch qualified as a BudgeFab event since Asia de Cuba has extended their extremely affordable Restaurant Week prix fixe well into September. Lucky us. This is a great opportunity to get a fantastic gourmet meal with dessert for $25. Our choices at this delightful price included a huge salad of mixed greens with crispy calamari, banana, cashews and hearts of palm; beef dumplings prepared two ways; pot roast of pork with plantains and enoki mushrooms; and an insane coconut/chocolate explosion cake. While we enjoyed this lunch, we also enjoyed lively conversation that ran the gamut from the fabulous Loretta Lux, to the octopus-tossing tendencies of the Detroit Red Wings' fans.

Parted ways, then did more errands. Haircut, etc. Was just about to hang it up and head home when my Chill Phone rang. It was the fabulous Patty Yang looking for libations. I was more than glad to meet her at French Roast to share a delicious half-bottle of Riesling. A refreshing end to a busy yet totally Budget Fabulous day.

TOTAL CHA-CHING FOR THE DAY $48 per person at Asia de Cuba ($25 each for prix fixe, plus wine, tax and tip). Budget Fabulous Tip: my share would have been half this amount without the wine. What can I say...old bad bugeting habits die hard. Skip the wine, order tap water, save money. Or go ahead and order the wine, just don't buy cat food for a couple of days. Okay only kidding, cat lovers. Please, no hate mail.

$21 for two at French Roast for half bottle of Riesling plus tax and tip. Another Budget Fabulous Tip: if there are two of you and you each want a glass of wine, inquire about half-bottles. They are usually less expensive than individual glasses of wine, AND they often yield a few more sips per person than the standard restaurant-sized portion. What a deal.

Feel the Fabulosity.