Budget Fabulous

A Watch for the Fabulistas!

I admit it. I'm a helpless fashion-victim and a gadget-nerd. I recently bought one of those internet-powered Smart Watches, The Swatch "Paparazzi", and now my life is instantly hyper-optimized, thanks to the watch’s constant downloading of relevant, personalized Internet content. Every ten minutes or so, usually in meetings ...beep-beep... "Oh, I see here on my Internet-Powered Swatch Paparazzi Watch that there was a major explosion in Kabul today, that the Word of the Day is coprophagia, AND tonight is Bangles Night at Culture Club!" Crucial, need-to-know information delivered in real-time to my fabulous wrist.

As if that weren't enough, I receive an email this morning telling me if I pay even MORE money, I can upgrade from the "Smart Plan" to the "Smart Plan Gold". This would allow my watch to receive all my instant messages and sync with my Outlook calendar. How channel-agnostic. How so five minutes from now. And since IMs aren’t annoying enough on the desktop, of course I will need to access them on a watch that ...beep-beep... SHIT! is telling me I’m late for lunch with Anna Wintour! Just don’t tell anyone that my BlackBerry, Palm Pilot and cellphone are already basically delivering the same information, although leveraged from different sources. 

Herein lies the root of the problem. I’m not seamlessly networked. I’m channel-polytheistic. I’m a knowledgebase slut. I’m floundering in a sea of non-integrated (but hopelessly chic) gadgets that are giving me brain cancer and destroying my Karpal Tunnels. Who needs Scientology when the Internet and Swatch are here to release us from our heathen network promiscuity? Hallelujah, I have seen the L.E.D.

So, you ask, why do I still even wear this stupid watch if it is delivering useless or redundant information, costing too much money and stressing me to the point Xanax? Because, silly, it’s the “in” thing, the dernier cri, and ALL us Fabulistas are wearing it to all the glamorous parties and trendy places we frequent. And, darling, it’s ORANGE, which is the new Black, and I’m a ...beep-beep... now for today's Word of the Day.

Living Doll

PIX FROM THE AMANDA LEPORE DOLL LAUNCH PARTY AT JEFFREY! >>

Here I go again, doing nothing to refute the notion that I am a trannie-chaser. I’m really not, but you’d never know it judging by my social life or my blog, both of which lately seem taken over by men (or former men) in dresses. I guess you could say my life has become a drag.

On Tuesday night, the reigning queen of Transamerica (the fabulous Amanda Lepore) threw a party, and everyone and their Auntie Brandywine came. Picked up my dear friend Isabelle, the AIDS researcher and swinger, and got our totally fabulous asses down to Jeffrey, the fashion capital of New York, to celebrate the launch of the official Amanda Lepore Doll. Commissioned by NARS Cosmetics and designed by Jason Wu, the doll sold out almost immediately, the proceeds of each $200 transaction benefiting The Design Industries Foundation Fighting AIDS (DIFFA). The doll is simply fabulous. She’s like a bigger, blonder, boobier and infinitely more feminine version of Barbie. And as the world’s first transsexual doll, she’s now a piece of history. Amanda, herself a living doll, looked beautiful in red and couldn’t have been a more charming hostess to the breathless crowd that surrounded her. A group that included just about every imaginable luminary of Le Tout Downtown, like  the legendary Miss Understood and Kenny Kenny, partygirl Jun Nakayama (pictured with Amanda), fashion icon and Dandy Patrick McDonald, famous New York TV personality Cognac Wellerlane (seen here interviewing Aimee Phillips), the beautiful Brenda A-Go-Go, the lovely Brandywine, fashion designers David and Phillipe Blond, hot and tasty underwear model Tracy James (so nice we photographed him twice), and one of our oldest, dearest friends in the world, the fabulous David (also known as the gorgeous, leggy, dragalicious Destiny).

Here’s where I would normally plug away, but this time I can’t since the doll has apparently sold out. In lieu of buying the doll, why not donate $200 (or any amount you can afford) to DIFFA? Or if you don’t have any money, you could donate your time and talents and become a volunteer. We here at Budget Fabulous believe Generosity is Fabulosity.

(PS: Thank you, Cognac, for the tip! Everybody, be sure to watch Cognac’s Corner on Manhattan Neighborhood Network, Channel 34, Thursdays-after midnight-12:30 AM)

Hanging out with LL Cool J

We're so busy with taxes this weekend that we have no time to post. While we roll around naked with our accountant on a pile of tax papers, receipts from fabulous restaurants glued to our flesh, enjoy LL Cool J's new hit video Control Myself, from the upcoming album Todd Smith (dropping April 11). It's fabulous. And isn't LL just the hottest thing? I wish I was J. Lo in the video as she slides her hands down his amazingly chiseled... Sorry, I forgot this was a family blog. We'll be hanging out with LL next Tuesday, and you can too, at the album release and signing at the Virgin Megastore. Come out and meet LL, buy the album, and see why he makes me feel like a Virgin Mega-Ho. It's hard to control myself.

Free Naomi!

Everybody needs to give poor Naomi Campbell a break. She’s had a hard week. Busted for allegedly braining a servant with a Swarovski crystal-encrusted BlackBerry, Naomi has suffered a series of ensuing public humiliations. First of all, they cuffed her. Can you believe that? We fashion people are upset about that the most: she couldn’t wear bracelets! And you just know those cuffs so didn’t match her outfit. Thank god she’s smart. Before being hauled away from her $3.5 million Park Avenue penthouse, practically in leg irons, Naomi had the good sense to throw on a fabulous white fur poncho, under which she hid her bound wrists.

The embarrassment didn’t stop there. The cops wouldn’t let her ride in her own fabulous limo, so she was forced to ride like a common criminal in a cop car. I’m sure she must have been very uncomfortable. Can you imagine, Naomi sitting on Naugahyde upholstery? As if that wasn't bad enough (I hope you’re sitting down) the police wouldn’t even let Naomi’s people fix her bangs before being escorted onto the mean streets of the Upper East Side. These are humiliations which no human being, no matter how strong, should ever be forced to endure.

Listen, I don’t see what the big deal is anyway. If she did beat her servant, it sounds like the woman deserved it. Supposedly Naomi caught her stealing a pair of $200 Chip and Pepper jeans. So please don’t judge poor Naomi. Aside from being incredibly beautiful (which is enough of an accomplishment for a lifetime), Naomi is at the center of some very important social and charitable work. She’s like best friends with that dude in Africa, Nelson Mandela. We fashion people think that’s just so fabulous. We don’t know why, we just think it is. And you cannot deny all she has done to support Hurricane Katrina. Remember last September when I was hanging out with Naomi and Beyonce, she threw a whole fashion show for those Katrina people. She even flew a displaced family to New York so they could enjoy Fashion Week, wear nice clothes and meet people like Diddy and Gwen Stefani before returning to homelessness. We were all stunned, absolutely floored, by Naomi’s generosity. And now, as if she hadn't already done enough, Naomi’s launched a line of affordable fragrances so poor people can smell good too. Is there no end to Naomi’s contributions to society? Well, there will be if she goes to jail for seven years. So please, write your local congressman and ask them to please please please FREE NAOMI! The world needs her. Besides, she (like me) is 35. Where would her modeling career be in seven years, at age 42? We cannot let this happen.